Helping Preschoolers Learn to Take Responsibility
Long before children begin formal schooling, they embark on the process of becoming unique, independent, and responsible little people. They continue this development throughout their educational years and into adulthood. Although most adults do not realize it, this activity can and should begin at an early age. It will then provide an important base upon which the educational process can build.
Schools require that children know how to be independent workers. Imagine the shock of a preschooler who has become accustomed to his mother doing everything for him, when he arrives at school the first day only to be told to do something on his own.
Parents need to understand the importance of teaching their children to perform tasks. Some parents erroneously believe that they should not require certain jobs of their children, hoping to give them an idyllic childhood. This notion, with its subsequent parental behavior, can seriously undermine a child's ability to function in the school environment. If children have not learned to take responsibility for themselves, they will face serious consequences in school.
Most parents recognize the heralding of independence at around the age of two to three as children begin to assert their own authority. Comments such as “Me do myself” or “Do it my way” characterize this early phase of development. Remember that these declarations of independence are cause for celebration, not dismay. They are signaling that the child is beginning the process of self-definition. This development continues through the preschool and early school years as children start to know their own minds, recognize their capabilities, and act on their plans.
Phase 1: Learning to Be a Helper
It is important to realize that teaching responsibility and independence requires time, commitment, and struggle. Whatever activity you perform at home, at school, or in the neighborhood, you can devise a parallel activity for your child. Here are a few suggestions:
If you are removing laundry from the dryer, give your child a few items and ask her to fold them. Express delight with her effort, whatever the outcome.
If you are preparing a grocery list, give your child a piece of paper and have him make his own list. Encourage him to take it to the store and read the list to you. Keep in mind that his “list” may consist of merely a few squiggles!
If you are cutting up salad, give a portion of the lettuce head to your child with a butter knife. Ask her to cut up her portion, and be thrilled with the results.
Require your child to be responsible for his messes. If he spills his milk, give him a paper towel and have him clean it up. Praise him for a job well done.
If you are washing the car, allow your child to have a sponge and wash the bumper or to work alongside you cleaning a small wagon.
If you are collecting the trash, encourage your child to pick up a few items.
If your child makes a mistake and breaks or tears something, have him assist you in repairing the broken doll or torn page.
Many parents are reluctant to allow their youngsters to perform such activities, thinking that they are not mature enough, fearing that the child's involvement might lengthen the amount of adult time involved, or simply knowing that they will be dissatisfied with the level of the child’s performance. It is probably true that the activity will last longer and that the performance will be inferior to that of an adult, but it is also likely that the child will enjoy the responsibilities and look forward to repeating them in the future.
Phase 2: Learning to Make Decisions
Once kids have become proficient helpers, it is wise to encourage increased self-direction and decision-making. Whereas earlier your child cleaned alongside you, imitating your actions, now you can begin to pose questions that involve your child’s input and ultimately her behavior. You could start by asking, “Which job do you like best?” or “What are your ideas about doing this?” Here are some specific examples:
Consult your child about how he would like the napkins folded and encourage him to follow through.
Ask your child what color plates she would like to have at her birthday party.
Ask your child if he would like to stir the batter or wash the utensils when you make a cake.
Have your child decide whether to take a bath now or in 5 minutes.
Giving children choices allows them to exercise self-control and authority. It is important for children to recognize their own ideas before they can act on them.
Phase 3: Learning to Be Responsible
After children have become practiced helpers and have experienced the results of their input, it is time to give them opportunities for independent responsibility. Remember that this must be done gradually, and that you must provide tasks at which children can succeed. Know that even the youngest child can feel pride at having his or her own job. Below are some possibilities:
Plan a picnic. Ask your preschooler to be in charge of the drinks. He should make the selections among several choices and then load them into the car.
Ask your child to decorate the den for dad's birthday.
Give your child a daily task, such as feeding the cat. Praise her for successfully completing the task.
Give your child a weekly chore, such as taking out the trash. Acknowledge the child's demonstration of responsibility.
Provide opportunities for your child to perform small, repetitive tasks, such as turning off the TV, bringing in the newspaper, or putting boots in the closet.
Learning to take responsibility is not a skill that is mastered overnight. You can help your child develop this skill by taking the steps outlined above. Remember that children learn in phases. First, they must be helpers. Then, they must come to know their ideas and capabilities. Finally, they must learn to act on these ideas and capabilities. If you can make the process fun and exciting, you will have gone a long way toward helping your children grow into independent and confident adults.